Music is the Universal Language

UC San Diego Professor Emeritus of Music Jimmy Cheatham, a faculty member of UC San Diego's Department of Music for 27 years, was fond of saying, “Music is the universal language.” He provided inspiration and wisdom to all as he performed, taught and mentored many musicians over the years.  Harvard studies also back up this idea, as do many studies and cultural practices around the world.

• New Harvard study says music is universal language — Harvard Gazette
• Is Music a Universal Language? | Psychology Today

As we close out another year of unpredictability and never-ending change, let music remind us that we are all connected by shared experiences, memories, values and cross-cultural practices.  Whether you listen to music that brings you a nostalgic smile (like the jazzy soundtrack from the classic A Charlie Brown Christmas), or enjoy something more reverent, calming, or just plain entertaining, remember that finding expression and connection through music that can be the most relatable thing we do this season.  Try out some of these links below (with no advertising) as you move through the end of the year and sway with gratitude and joy:

🍂 A Cozy Autumn Café by the Lake | Soft Jazz for Relaxing, Work & Study

🔥 Cozy Winter Jazz Music Fireplace

Relaxing Hanukkah Music ✡️ Jewish Ambient Melodies for Calm & Light

8 Hours of Heavenly Christmas Music 🎄

Deep Healing Music, Healing Your Nervous System, Instant Relief from Stress and Anxiety, Calm Nature

Politics at the Family Table:

A 2024 poll from the American Psychological Association (APA) found that approximately 32% of adults said the U.S. political climate has caused a strain between themselves and family members (Ho, J., October 29, 2024).  No matter which party you align with, or no party at all, you might be able to relate to the relational tension the APA picked up on in their poll.  Many people have had the experience of deciding to block or “unfriend” someone from social media, or simply socially disconnect from someone we no longer relate to due to lack of harmony in our social values or political stances.  This underscores how we each could prepare ourselves to make our end of year get-togethers and celebrations with friends, neighbors and family members as inclusive and loving as possible - and skip the tensions or outright conflict.

Here are a few tips to help preserve your peace and your relationships no matter how you celebrate or which traditions you and your loved ones participate in together:

1. Boundaries Sustain Relationships: Boundaries allow us to stay in relationships rather than severing them. Set some ground rules before you gather.  Try to agree on what topics are off limits or will keep the conversation light. For example, try stating, "In honor of our time together, I hope we can agree to limit political conversation and focus on our connections and memories as a family."
2. Have an Exit Strategy: If things start to feel too tense or if boundaries aren’t honored, it’s okay to excuse yourself.  If you came to the gathering with someone, agree on nonverbal cues or a safe word or a phrase to indicate to each other the desire to leave. Make your exit calmly and skip any drama or blame as you leave.
3. Accept Imperfection: Celebrations don’t have to be perfect.  Were they ever, really?  It’s okay if the dinner table feels a bit awkward, if conversations don't go as smoothly as you'd like, or if you need to take breaks for your own emotional well-being.  Being together, without trying to fix or perfect everything, is enough.
4. Don’t Force Reconnection: If certain relationships feel too strained to mend immediately, that’s okay. Reconnecting during end-of-year celebrations and get-togethers doesn't always mean resolving every issue.  Sometimes the act of being present and showing that you're open to future conversations is a good first step.
5. Focus On What You Can Agree On: Should you decide to engage, steer conversations toward creating space for connection rather than division.  Reminding yourself and others of shared histories, fond memories and mutual care can foster understanding, even when you don’t agree on everything.
6. Be Gracious, No Matter What: If the goal is to preserve and nurture your cherished relationships, focus on how you can move forward together, fostering mutual respect. Staying humble, avoiding gloating or over-celebrating – particularly in front of those with differing views – shows consideration for others' feelings.  Try to keep an authentically calm demeanor.  It’s better for everyone’s health to acknowledge honest feelings while showing respect for differences, rather than becoming reactive.
7. Imbibe Mindfully: During the celebrations and get-togethers drinking alcohol often becomes a part of the festivities.  When families and friends gather, it's important to be mindful of how alcohol can affect mood and relationships.  In addition to impairing judgment and empathy, alcohol can lower inhibitions, making people more likely to speak or act impulsively, and have less patience for other’s points of view (Priory Hospital Chelmsford, 2024).  This could lead to misunderstandings or heated exchanges, especially in discussions about emotionally charged topics.  Encourage responsible drinking by providing alternative non-alcoholic beverages and modeling personal responsibility helps to mitigate the risk of conflicts.

The end-of-year celebrations, and festivities at any time of year, should be a time of joy and connection. It’s important to acknowledge we bring the whole year to the table with us, not just the essence of the day being celebrated.  Approaching these potentially challenging events together with friends with empathy and patience, thoughtful boundaries and flexible strategies, will show them that you understand how important deeply held beliefs and identities are to us all.  With a little planning, we can navigate these complicated relational dynamics with grace and enjoy the moments together.

References and Resources to Explore:

• Managing Stress During the Holidays: Tips for BIPOC Caregivers
• A Therapist-Approved Holiday Survival Guide for Couples (That’s Actually Helpful) | Connect Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling
• Transforming Holiday Stress into Connection: A Guide for BIPOC Folx
• 6 tips to handle holiday family stress with confidence - MultiCare Vitals
• Priory Hospital Chelmsford (Priority, 2024), PRIORY Blog":  What is the link between anger and alcohol?
• Rhode Island news (October 27, 2024):  Election anxiety could be ruining family relationships – forever

Holiday Tips for LGBTQIA+ Staff and Faculty

The holiday season can bring joy, connection, and celebration, but it can also present unique challenges for LGBTQIA+ individuals. Family gatherings, travel, and social expectations may create stress, particularly when navigating unaffirming environments or difficult conversations. Organizations such as The Trevor Project, PFLAG, FOLX Health, and Included Health encourage LGBTQIA+ people to prioritize their well-being and create plans that support their emotional health during the season.

Here are a few strategies to help make the holidays more manageable and meaningful:

• Set boundaries ahead of time. Think about what conversations, situations, or behaviors you are willing to engage in and where you may need to step away. Planning responses in advance can reduce stress and help you protect your well-being.
• Stay connected to supportive people. Reach out to trusted friends, colleagues, partners, or chosen family members who affirm and celebrate you. Scheduling check-ins or gatherings can provide valuable support during challenging moments.
• Prioritize self-care. Make time for activities that help you recharge, whether that means taking a walk, journaling, reading, exercising, resting, or limiting social media when it becomes overwhelming.
• Honor your chosen family and traditions. Holidays do not have to look a certain way. Creating new traditions with supportive friends, community members, or loved ones can foster belonging and joy.
• Ask for support when you need it. Whether through friends, family allies, counseling services, or community resources, seeking support is a sign of strength. Having someone to talk to can make a significant difference during stressful times.

Remember, you deserve to feel respected, safe, and supported throughout the holiday season. If you find yourself needing additional support, UC San Diego Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP) offers confidential resources to help employees navigate personal and workplace challenges.

Wishing all UC San Diego staff and faculty a holiday season filled with connection, care, and opportunities to celebrate authentically.

References:

Gong Home for the Holidays (Trevor Project)

eHoliday Checklist

How to Ally for the Holidays

PFLAG: Home for the Holidays

Preparing for the Holiday Season - Folx Health

Queer and Trans Holiday Survival Guide-Included Health

Finding Joy in What Matters Most

Whether you celebrate Hannukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa or Winter Solstice, the holidays can bring so much warmth and anticipation. However, for many families, holidays also bring added financial pressures. If you're feeling the need to be more intentional with holiday spending, you're not alone. The good news is that some of the most meaningful gifts have never come from a store. Let’s remember that the traditional focus the holidays isn’t on “getting stuff”; it’s on connection, gratitude and hope. Kwanzaa, for example, celebrates culture, creativity, education, community and family rather than commercial gift-giving. Homemade gifts and thoughtful plans are especially well-suited to these traditions because they reflect thoughtfulness and creativity, not breaking the bank.

The FSAP team invites you to embrace a different kind of tradition this year. Instead of focusing on presents, consider some of these ideas that come from and speak to the heart:

• Give the gift of free childcare to a tired parent or coworker
• Bake an old favorite family favorite with the handwritten recipe as the card
• Create a Family Memory scavenger hunt featuring family traditions and photos
• Gift braided challah wrapped in a festive tea towel from the bargain store
• Create a family history scrapbook with photos, stories, and recipes
• Involve the kids in family tree artwork
• Share a Mason jar of winter soup mix with a handwritten recipe notecard
• Cook up some homemade applesauce or fruit preserves from seasonal or bargain bench fruit (perfect with Hannukah latkes or Christmas scones!)
• Record oral histories from elders, saved digitally or on a keepsake drive
• Gift hand-decorated journals for writing goals, reflections or dreams
• Make reading totes with gently used books and a handmade bookmark
• Recycled jar lanterns with tissue-paper & starch mosaic designs
• Offer an "Eight Nights of Kindness" candle set with a different family activity attached to each candle
• Homemade herb garden starters in recycled containers
• Make simmer pot kits with dried citrus, cinnamon sticks and cloves
• Create a "tech help" certificate for setting up devices or organizing photos
• Offer a few hours of gardening, sewing, or home-organization help
• Make a Family Game Night basket with snack mix, scorecards and handwritten game suggestions, a deck of cards or dice.
• Start a Holiday Traditions journal: Record recipes, stories, and memories to pass down through generations.
• Teach your friends or neighbors a skill (and maybe learn one in return)
• Offer to pet sit for a neighbor while they are away this season
• Write compliments and remembrances on handwritten cards made from recycled materials. It could become a treasured keepsake!

By choosing experiences over excess and thoughtfulness over spending, we can beat the budget challenges and enrich our lives. Together, let's rediscover the simple joys of the season: making memories, strengthening relationships and finding new ways to care for one another. Sometimes the best gifts aren't things at all, but the time, kindness and traditions that stay with us long after the holidays are over.

For more ideas, and suggestions on free and fun things to do in San Diego this season, check out the following links that were curated with care by your FSAP team:

75 Free Things to Do in San Diego You'd Choose on Any Budget From “LaJollaMom”

Be a local tourist! 25 Best & Fun Things to Do in San Diego For Free - The Tourist Checklist

25+ Free Holiday Events and Things to Do in San Diego From SanDiego.org 

Start a new tradition: No-gift holidays focus on experiences and relationships 30 Best No-Gift Christmas Ideas  - Money Bliss

Gift of Experiences: Christmas Ideas Instead of Gifts

DIY sustainable holiday cards at home DIY Eco-Friendly Holiday Cards Using Recycled Paper - The Women Home

DIY gifts for coworkers, friends, neighbors and teachers 49 Easy To Make DIY gifts for coworkers they will love