| What to do |
How to do it |
| 1 |
Talk with the other person. |
- Ask the other person to name a time when it would be convenient to meet.
- Arrange to meet in a place where you won't be interrupted.
|
| 2 |
Focus on behavior and events, not on personalities. |
- Say “When this happens …” instead of “When you do …”
- Describe a specific instance or event instead of generalizing.
|
| 3 |
Listen carefully. |
- Listen to what the other person is saying instead of getting ready to react.
- Avoid interrupting the other person.
- After the other person finishes speaking, rephrase what was said to make sure you understand it.
- Ask questions to clarify your understanding.
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| 4 |
Identify points of agreement and disagreement. |
- Summarize the areas of agreement and disagreement.
- Ask the other person if he or she agrees with your assessment.
- Modify your assessment until both of you agree on the areas of conflict.
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| 5 |
Prioritize the areas of conflict. |
- Discuss which areas of conflict are most important to each of you to resolve.
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| 6 |
Develop a plan to work on each conflict. |
- Start with the most important conflict.
- Focus on the future.
- Set up future meeting times to continue your discussions.
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| 7 |
Follow through on your plan. |
- Stick with the discussions until you’ve worked through each area of conflict.
- Maintain a collaborative, “let’s-work-out-a-solution” attitude.
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| 8 |
Build on your success. |
- Look for opportunities to point out progress.
- Compliment the other person’s insights and achievements.
- Congratulate each other when you make progress, even if it’s just a small step. Your hard work will pay off when scheduled discussions eventually give way to ongoing, friendly communication.
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